'The primary purpose is love, the secondary purpose is surrender'. Ah! My attention was caught more by the word surrender. That is where I felt inadequate. How does it happen? The Master's answer was so startling in its simplicity that I was dumbfounded. 'It comes from the part of you that is already surrendered.'
As I sat and mulled over this issue that had vexed me forever, I felt tremendous waves of relief pass over me. I 'got it' that I did not have to make surrender happen. It already existed as my soul design. It was not a missing piece, a serious lack that I had to find, fix and lock into place.
His presence had the power to unlock the deep mysteries of my heart on its own. The surrender happened in the allowing of it. I had simply build barriers against it. Yes, I am a control freak. I had kept surrender securely locked. In that moment of relief washing over me, I enjoyed the falling away of some weight, and the unlocking of shackles. I felt so light, I was sure I would levitate in a moment. What a release. His mere presence created such a profound sense of safety, that holding on was an act of pure futility. I savoured the bliss for a long time. Safety, (that he radiated), was a key ingredient for letting one's guard down and allowing surrender to happen.
'And then comes love', he shot a thought through my head. I felt nervousness in my solar plexus. As if the entire universe contracted into it. I realised I had gone on an amagdilla response on that word. How soon I had lost the surrender! Catching myself, I immediately began to relax and let go. I remembered I was safe, and could allow the soft, vulnerable, fragile to emerge. These parts had been locked up, and even forgotten for a long time. When one truly loves, one is seated on the flower of vulnerability. All guards are down. The passion is allowed to emerge. How can one love passionately and not want to surrender? I was beginning to see the fusing of the two ~ surrendered love.
The beautiful Lord Gauranga dances with his hands held up, face upturned. It is a gesture immortalised in sculpture, paintings and temples. I have often looked upon him and wondered, 'what is the secret, powerful emotion that Mahaprabhu, Rumi, Bulle Shah felt for their beloved? What secret passion did they burn with, that they poured into their poetry? Their creative fire sears the reader even today. Why was I a beggar to the second hand taste of their ecstasy? Why did the rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam keep me awake through half the night? Why?
Love. I look at Lao Tzu. What does love mean for him? He looks so empty of self. Does he too savour the unimaginable heights and depths in love? What truly happens when one fully surrenders to one's beloved? When one does not hold back even a shred of anything? When love is trusted more than life itself? I guess it ceases to matter if it is reciprocated or not. Having the opportunity to surrender, hands up, drenched in ecstasy of love, with the Divine as beloved, would be a rhapsody that is complete in itself. Laila lost all sense of personal boundary in love, so that when someone asked her name, she replied, 'Majnu'.
Can love be taken to such scorching depths of surrender? A total dissolving that even the lovers are lost, and only love remains. I have only read of such love that Radha had for Krishna. If I really touched that love, I would blister.
Lost in reverie, I realised with a jerk that I had led myself into a new world, in an unguarded moment. The un'guarded' held such promise. Lao Tzu was watching me with a glint in his eye.
As I sat and mulled over this issue that had vexed me forever, I felt tremendous waves of relief pass over me. I 'got it' that I did not have to make surrender happen. It already existed as my soul design. It was not a missing piece, a serious lack that I had to find, fix and lock into place.
His presence had the power to unlock the deep mysteries of my heart on its own. The surrender happened in the allowing of it. I had simply build barriers against it. Yes, I am a control freak. I had kept surrender securely locked. In that moment of relief washing over me, I enjoyed the falling away of some weight, and the unlocking of shackles. I felt so light, I was sure I would levitate in a moment. What a release. His mere presence created such a profound sense of safety, that holding on was an act of pure futility. I savoured the bliss for a long time. Safety, (that he radiated), was a key ingredient for letting one's guard down and allowing surrender to happen.
'And then comes love', he shot a thought through my head. I felt nervousness in my solar plexus. As if the entire universe contracted into it. I realised I had gone on an amagdilla response on that word. How soon I had lost the surrender! Catching myself, I immediately began to relax and let go. I remembered I was safe, and could allow the soft, vulnerable, fragile to emerge. These parts had been locked up, and even forgotten for a long time. When one truly loves, one is seated on the flower of vulnerability. All guards are down. The passion is allowed to emerge. How can one love passionately and not want to surrender? I was beginning to see the fusing of the two ~ surrendered love.
The beautiful Lord Gauranga dances with his hands held up, face upturned. It is a gesture immortalised in sculpture, paintings and temples. I have often looked upon him and wondered, 'what is the secret, powerful emotion that Mahaprabhu, Rumi, Bulle Shah felt for their beloved? What secret passion did they burn with, that they poured into their poetry? Their creative fire sears the reader even today. Why was I a beggar to the second hand taste of their ecstasy? Why did the rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam keep me awake through half the night? Why?
Love. I look at Lao Tzu. What does love mean for him? He looks so empty of self. Does he too savour the unimaginable heights and depths in love? What truly happens when one fully surrenders to one's beloved? When one does not hold back even a shred of anything? When love is trusted more than life itself? I guess it ceases to matter if it is reciprocated or not. Having the opportunity to surrender, hands up, drenched in ecstasy of love, with the Divine as beloved, would be a rhapsody that is complete in itself. Laila lost all sense of personal boundary in love, so that when someone asked her name, she replied, 'Majnu'.
Can love be taken to such scorching depths of surrender? A total dissolving that even the lovers are lost, and only love remains. I have only read of such love that Radha had for Krishna. If I really touched that love, I would blister.
Lost in reverie, I realised with a jerk that I had led myself into a new world, in an unguarded moment. The un'guarded' held such promise. Lao Tzu was watching me with a glint in his eye.
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